Playing catchup

Friday was quite the day for us. Madi slept pretty well that night so the morning was not as exhausting as it could have been. I let Joshua sleep in that morning and took care of Madi since he would be working that night at MarriedLife Live, a conference our church puts on for married couples. As of yesterday Madi was 6 weeks old and it has been such the milestone for us. With all the frustration surround breastfeeding and Madi's Gerd yesterday was a moment of reward. Madi has begun cooing and "talking" to us. We can stick our tongue out and she will mimic what we do and stick hers out as well. If we tell her to tell us what she's thinking she will laugh or let out what sounds that resembles her talking to us. SOO REWARDING! We have needed that!

We have also made the switch from hating bath time to really enjoying it! Aunt Shonda bought these large wash clothes in the shape of frogs so they cover her from neck to toes that way she does not get cold during bath time and they have really helped! She sits in the tub and just laughs and coo's at us when we pour water over her. The only part that she still really hates is being naked and uncovered (then again, who doesn't?).  Here are a few pictures of her after bath time!

As you can see she has really turned into a quite the baby! 

As I mentioned above, later that night we attended  MarriedLife Live a conference for married couples that our church puts on. Chris, our pastor, did a great job at talking about the importance of making regular deposits into our marriage and our spouse. He used the illustration of Joseph interpreting Pharaoh's dream that the land of Egypt would have 7 years of abundance and 7 years of famine, but a way to avoid hardship during those 7 years of famine would be by making regular deposits of grain into the storehouses.  He also talked about how to sustain a healthy marriage by removing the exit strategy by never making divorce an option. It was great to hear that especially in this season of our marriage when conversations and date nights are few and far between. Makes me really appreciate and love Joshua even more! What a wonderful, loving husband I have! So blessed to be married to such an caring and amazing man.

My Pride

The days begin so early here in our household. Madi usually wakes up anywhere from 6 to 8 for her first feeding of the day, so it is a good opportunity (depending on the amount of sleep I have had) to get in some "me"time. Those moments are few and far between these days, so when they happen I am so, so thankful!!

As I lie here awake this morning and scan through friends' blogs trying to take in the snapshot of their lives, I am overwhelmed with feelings of pride and insecurity. I am sure that most of you know by now that we have been having quite a few issues with Madi's stomach- Gerd and possibly Colic (Please Lord, NO!).  For my own sanity, the idea of pumping and feeding is simply that-a forethought. I feel trapped, confined and strapped to a machine every 3-4 hours for at least 15-20 minutes at a time. I know if doesn't sound like much but when you are pressed for time and the baby starts screaming, you have one of two choices: let baby scream while you pump or you stop. Madi has been very high needs and needs to be soothed alot, which means lots of holding for us. You can see my dilemma here, huh? You cannot pump while holding a baby. So unfortunately, my supply has started to diminish leaving me feeling like a failure as a mom.

It's one of those moments of pride whenever anyone ask you, "breastfed or formula?" and you answer "breastfed". I feel like I just need to high-five anyone around me...retarded I know. Seeking encouragement from a friend in a similar situation about a year ago  I'm starting to wrap my mind and my heart around formula. (I know most of you think I am being stupid here...its just formula right?!) In my eyes, it is the ultimate failure in my role of motherhood. 70 Years ago what would I have done for my baby? There were no pumps, no formulas, just mom and baby. I feel like if women all around the world have been doing this for hundreds of years, why am I failing so terribly at the one task God has given me to do for my child? As Joshua and I were talking about it, I realized that whereas I do not understand what it feels like as a husband to shoulder the responsibility of provider, these same feelings describe how I feel about breastfeeding my child. Is is the one thing that I can do for her- my way of providing for her that not only benefits the present but her future as well. No one else can do what I can do for Madi, and that is to meet her most basic need-food.  My pride is so inflated that it makes me sick. I am really disgusted with myself at how much time and energy I have poured over these negative feelings towards myself rather than just enjoying my little girl. I keep thinking about all the "what ifs"... ( I did not say this was a feel good blog). I know I'll look back in 2, 10, 30 years and it will not matter if she was breastfed or formula fed, but whether or not Madi is a passionately in  love with her Savior.  I guess that's really the only thing that matters in this life- loving God and loving people. Those were after all the 2 most important commands that Jesus ever spoke.

All of that is so much easier said that done. Like I said, I am struggling with my pride. I realize it is an issue and I am asking God to break me of it. Please pray for me and for our family as we make this transition in our household, because I have so much resentment towards myself that it sometimes can flesh out in other ways with my attitude, patience, and the list goes on. I just want to be the best wife/mother I can be. Somedays it is a no-brainer and others I feel so underqualified!

An unexpected visitor

The past few days have been quite the adventure in the Woodlief household. My newfound career as a mother has left me feeling insecure, not qualified, and absolutely exhuasted. Madi's Gerd has been the primary cause of her lack of sleeping and fussiness leaving me and Joshua hanging in survival mode. Tuesday was supposed to be the day of Madi's follow-up visit, however, our pediatrician had a sick child so they rescheduled for Wednesday. On another note, Madi has gained 9ounces in 9 days weighing in at 9lbs 13 ounces. Doctor Prine said that was fantastic weight gain!!

Good news and bad news. The medicine they had placed Madi on was not helping alleviate the secretion of acid in her stomach, therefore causing her to spit up large amounts of milk and the occasional projectile vomiting (no fun!!). So doc switched her to Prevacid and ordered an esophageal scan which will confirm the Gerd and help pin point the source of endless hours of crying. The doc also suggested, upon the return of a positive result of Gerd, that we should put rice cereal in her milk to help thicken and soothe her stomach. Please continue to pray for not only our little girl but tired parents as well. No one tells you how exhuasting (but so rewarding) this job of a parent can be. Life changes in a matter of moments, and it is hard enough adjusting to the new life ahead, all the while trying to figure out why your precious child is sick.

To help ease the stress on both Madi and I, I set up a play date with Aunt Shonda. Living on 25 minutes away makes for a perfect day to get out of the house and have some adult time. Aunt Shonda was kind enough to make us lunch and actually let me eat while it was hot (a rare moment these days), while she cuddled with Madi. In fact, Madi stayed curled up in Aunt Shonda's arms for the entirety of the afternoon while Maci and I played Junior Monopoly, Chutes & Ladders, and we also put together a 100 piece puzzle. It was wonderful!!!

The many face of Madi. So funny to see how her expressions are changing.

To top off our day, Joshua and I had dinner at Dan McGuiness in Nashville with a close, but old friend Beau. Beau and his wife Lauren (who was in Lynchburg unable to make it) moved away a little over 3 years ago. Beau, in town for his grandfather surgery, asked if Joshua and I wanted to meet up and have dinner. Estatic we said YES! There are so many memories and fun times we have shared with Beau and Lauren at Dan McGuiness, but we are so happy to see them thriving in their careers and life in VA. Thanks to Mrs. Christy for watching Madi and giving me and Joshua a few hours of much needed adult time! 
I really appreciate those friendships that aren't affected by time or distance. They seem to pick up where they left off.  Lauren we missed you soooo much, and cannot wait to see you at the end of March!

Saturday, Sunday, and plain Ole Monday!

Our weekend was uneventful! Just the way we like it! We did, however, have a surprise visit from Nanny and G-daddy! G-daddy took a few days off and came in town and treated mommy and daddy to Red Lobster (mom says something about heaven??). After a wonderful dinner we headed back to our house and spent some time together!

As you can see from the photo's above, Nanny fed me while G-daddy spent some time with Molly. Molly absolutely adores G-daddy because he spends all his time playing rope and frisbee! They kept saying how much I have grown in the past week and how I am really starting to look more and more like a baby everyday. My hair is getting longer, my expressions more pronounced, and my overall demeanor is changing with each passing day. We cannot wait to see G-daddy again and we were all sad to see him go back to IL. We are praying that we get to go see him out West in a few months. Mom has been dying to see the Grand Cannon and G-daddy is getting ready to work in Phoenix, so hopefully we can fly out with Nanny and spend a few days together.

Sunday

As you can imagine, Josh is exhausted on Sunday's because he gets up at 4:30 and is at church by 5:30. I cannot express enough how proud of him we both are and all the sacrifices that he makes for me and Madi. I honestly could not do what he does and I am so grateful to have such a loving and selfless husband. Here are a few pictures of Sunday afternoon naps at the Woodlief household!

 

Monday

Monday was pretty ordinary. After having a meeting at work Josh and I grabbed a quick lunch and then headed home. After feeding Madi I decided to try and put her in the boppy again (Madi HATES the thing) and see if we could work on convincing Madi that it's actually a good thing! I snapped a few good pictures of Madi and some with Molly in there. Overall we had a wonderful Monday!

Time with the Willis Clan

Our Friday was wonderful!

I love Fridays! They are such a blessing to me and such a moment that I love forward to all week. Because Joshua works on Sundays he is given Friday as a replacement, which I do not mind at all! We spent the day lounging around the house, taking care of Madi, and just spending time together! It was wonderful to say the least. Madi has been having some stomach issues lately, so she was not feeling super happy but I did manage to capture a shot of her somewhat awake and happy in the swing. (in my favorite outfit, might I add)

The second portion of our day was spent in Nashville with Allen, Jessica, and Jonah. We decided early last week that we would have dinner with the Willis' Clan since we missed seeing them over Christmas. After an incredible dinner of tilapia with sun dried tomato alfredo we spent our time sitting around the dinner table talking about everything from the arrival of Eve to what is happening in our lives. We really miss seeing these guys on a regular basis and we are trying to make more of an effort to see them every week!  I would have to say that it was a great Friday full of time with our family and great friends. We are so blessed to have such wonderful, loving friends!

Funny fish face

Madi's first stroll

Today Madi and I started off our day just like every other. I am loving the fact that she is adapting to a routine (atleast in the mornings!), because I can accomplish what I need to in the morning to make the rest of the day functional for the both of us. As Josh would say I am a control freak and need some level of scheduling to help me feel like the day has gone the best that it can, so for me her routine is such a blessing! After looking at the forecast, I decided a high of 45 would be a perfect day for a stroll at the Clarksville Greenway. We got all bundled up, packed a lunch, and headed out around 11:45. Madi and I walked/jogged a total of 2miles. It was great! The weather was breezy but perfect! I didn't take any pictures of the our actual stroll but I did snap a few of Madi before I left!

Our ordinary Wednesday

Today was an ordinary Wednesday! Mom and I did our usual morning routine consisting of waking up, eating, and then I sleep for a good 2 hour. AFter nap time I watched mom fold clothes! After all of this excitement Mom took some time for herself and worked out leaving me with Mrs. Christy (My favorite!), and then we meet up with Jenna for some mall and coffee time. We had a really great, but busy, Wednesday!